You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
