Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize