dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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