Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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