Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My vagina is officially offended.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
