I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
