Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
