I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Mom said you looked used
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
