My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
