who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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