oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
