i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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