You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
