You're my little dorito
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
