Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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