If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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