come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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