Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
