it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
