It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Come share oat with me in your robe
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize