Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
