Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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