You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
