I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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