one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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