I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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