one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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