why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
