he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Quick, to the slutcave!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
