Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
