Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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