ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
