you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The struggles of a small town man whore
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
