im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
