I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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