the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
third nipple confirmed
Two words: blizzard sex
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
