I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
