Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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