I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
