I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
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You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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