Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
