just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
