I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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