woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize