he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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