Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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