I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
