tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
