just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
