I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize