Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
