I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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