I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
