low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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