I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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