Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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