I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
