Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I am one with the molecules
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
