Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Fuck appropriateness.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize