just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
