Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize