I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
