So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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