Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
