I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
