Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
