mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
