so that wasnt chicken after all
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
