I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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