I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
